Wednesday, January 31, 2007
又是另一天。
一月的最后一天。
读到了一些东西。
感触。。。
我对幸福的定义?
下雨天的拥抱和冰咖啡。
大热天的冰淇淋和酸辣汤。
刮大风时坐巴士有肩膀靠。
每个星期四的午饭，鸡饭，辣椒和咸菜鸭汤。
担心着无聊但却是最重要的小事
饿了，吃饱了吗
累了，睡好多一点
生病了，喝多一点水
深呼吸时，闻到熟悉的感觉
深呼吸时，感觉到暖暖的体温
怀里流泪的人，能够得到一点安慰。
怀里抱着的人，始终相信能得到幸福。
怀里痛哭的人，有一天能开心的看着彩虹夕阳微笑。
想着想着就莫名的笑了
想到了，想说什么，就说什么
能够感觉，一切的感觉
你对幸福的定义又是什么？
Tuesday, January 30, 2007
Interesting day.
the bloody bloody cold wind continues blowing.
but it blew back quite alot of good mood for other people.
with that.
im satisfied.
all good mood except two.
yan,
really do get well soon.
ENUF REST PLS!
min,
it's all over,
at least ;)
its a sucky feeling.
agreed.
MADE a big plan for myself.
hope it will work out well.
interesting day?
MATTHEW WEARS GREEN.
NOT BLACK.
i tink it should be in the papers or something... hehehehe....
introducing...
THE GREEN CROC.
*hides frm matt killer stares*
and our wangzi dresses in preparation of war.
erms.
for a fight.
yah ;p
construction work going on in sch....
pretty cute sign:
see the lights!
STAR SHAPE LEHS!!!
dear dear... how cute can that be?!
that night....
that faithful night...
at the prata ;]
Monday, January 29, 2007
My dear friend from the past,
these are my words to you.
I have tried.
long ago.
not that i dont have.
it has always been up to you all.
to come or not to come.
we were all young and ignorant.
No point claiming effort for the number of failed outing
which i had painstakenly tried to organize.
No point meeting when everyone is forced to meet up.
No point to feel obligated to attend any gathering.
We all have our own lives to lead.
I admit.
I would always treasure... sometimes
miss the close friendship i'd with you guys.
I learnt from life.
Grow up.
dont look back.
Keep walking.
Dont stop.
and,
Dont allow anyone so easy close to your heart
cuz they'll hurt you,
intentionally or not intentionally.
You were my first teachers.
Im fine now.
meet up?
sure.
I trusted you all so much.
to had went to mgs everyone to ask when's the best time to meet again.
silly?
someone told me,
why keep going back to people who'd hurt you?
going back to people who'd make you feel lousy and sucky?
instead of treasuring the chance,
the chance of staying near people who love you
the way you are
love you
for the person you are
You said i had no life?
juz always spending time with the only bunch of same people now.
cuz becuz i spend all my time with my 'new' friends, c121?
if you never notice,
at least i feel that
that they love me for the person i am.
and besides them i still have alot of other friends.
if you didnt noe.
friends from here n there.
tat's my bloody life.
i choose who i want to be with.
right?
harsh words?
i guess everyone should have a share of those.
you all discouraged me at every turn.
am i to
am i to stay by your sides
faithfully waiting you all to turn
and cast a pitiful look at me?
even if i may feel
sad
pain
anger
happiness
elation
confusion
emptiness
or watever
now
i choose it.
dont speak to me as if
as if i should had
had been eager for you all to
to cast a look at me.
feeling somewhat similar...
but not so similar.
feels as if the brain and heart is wrapped up with tissue paper.
the ridiculous feeling of lost and emptiness.
Sunday, January 28, 2007
*praying*
for the fate which has tied us together to continue to be strong.
words are meaningless.
but im still putting them here.
it takes two hands to clap.
as always.
[jad?ed] ?adjective
1.worn out or wearied, as by overwork or overuse.
2. exhausted;
v. intr.
To become weary or spiritless.
Murder
Murder, murderers and victims in a dream are in no way connected with crime in real life. Nevertheless, the dream is a danger signal. It is an indication that the dreamer has, within his own consciousness, forcibly dissociated an aspect of his personality.
Saturday, January 27, 2007
Busy day~
went to work... for 3hrs+... finished watermargin19 stuffs. yikes. the heads of Ximen Qing and Pan Jinlian.... blehs blehs blehs... slacked. youtube-ed.
met huii baobei @ YCK mrt... went to watch Julian's perf @ NYP open house. nice perf~ all the locking and stuff... salsa... wooooHooo~ nice moves... too bad TP dont have such big place for such perf....
went down Dobyghaut... tried my first pepper lunch:
nice ;)
met jit n sab n leon. went cathay for some coffee and rotting and ben n jerry's icecream. nice singing from the person at benNjerry's =)
meet my babe minmin at last... lols. lotsa crapping. Miss you babe!
went home to dump POM (principles of marketing).
yes.
succeeded in dumping. WoooHooo!~
so many stuff happening.
everywhere oso happening.
my mind worked overtime today.
and my heart slept the whole day tru.
no mood swings.
juz abit physically tired.
but overall very nice and patient and happy.
GooD MooD juz tat ppl cant see nia =X
random pix...
never ending stairs...
hungry? screams the bread...
wang zi deep in tots... preparing for war... stragety....
too much of nite prata-ing
nice place huh?
video which i had a very strong impression on.
today took time out to find the lyrics...
nothin much.
but
the video.
really.... hmmm...
Jaded. [Areosmith]
Hey j-j-jaded, you got your mama's style
But you're yesterday's child to me
So jaded
You think that's where it's at
But is that where it's supposed to be
You're gettin' it all over me and serrated
My my baby blue
Yeah I been thinkin' about you
My my baby blue
Yeah you're so jaded
And I'm the one that jaded you
Hey j-j-jaded
In all it's misery
It will always be what I love and hated
And maybe take a ride to the other side
We're thinkin' of
We'll slip into the velvet glove
And be jaded
My my baby blue
Yeah I'm thinkin about you
My my baby blue
Yeah I'm so jaded
And baby I'm afraid of you
Your thinking's so complicated
I've had it all up to here
But it's so overrated
Love and hated
Wouldn't trade it
Love me jaded
Hey j-j-jaded
There ain't no baby please
When I'm shootin the breeze with her
When everything you see is a blur
And ectasy's what you prefer
My my baby blue
Yeah I'm talkin' about you
My my baby blue
Yeah I've been thinkin' about you
My my baby blue
Yeah you're so jaded
Baby Jaded
Baby You're so jaded
'Cause I'm the one that jaded you
Labels: photos
yes,
I wld be more cruel
and let worry be felt rather than guilt.
knowing and understanding begets guilt.
w/o knowing and understanding reduces the amount of guilt.
guilt and worry are inseperable, i do agree.
quite impossible to feel them seperately.
wats the point of leting some stuff be known
and guilt is felt
feelings change.
guilt begets reactions of unsure-ness
no longer daring to treat the person as normal
Ohwells.
nothing was never normal in the first place rite?
kinda like.
played with fire and got burnt.
and starting to regret huh?
since i'd b cruel either way.
why dont let me had choosen...
the way of being cruel
which would hurt less...
for you?
i am no saint.
i said what i wanted.
i dont know if u had or not.
i said already.
i wont lie to you.
i never did and will not.
do the same please,
peer into ur heart
and ponder about it.
i gave u conclusions.
not expecting any in return at first.
until i saw that every line
"what i want u to say"
yah yah. lighted up my curiosity.
Friday, January 26, 2007
I got tired thinking of alot of stuff on the bus today.
it was cold.
so bloody cold and chilling to the bone.
Oh watever.
back to the main point.
i thought tru alot of stuff
and came to alot of conclusions.
i wanted to blog them all out
but for the pure respect for the person,
i decided not to blog anything at all.
yeps.
the irritating feel of
"yah. i want to tell u a secret."
"I tell u later"
to the others
"nope"
"i know u want to know"
"but i dont want to tell u"
"but"
"yah. im telling a secret to the person"
"the main point being brought across"
"LET U HEART ITCHY ITCHY TILL U FEEL LIKE WANT TO DIE"
"but?"
"i dont really care"
"you do care?"
"Ohwells..."
*pityfull look*
"i dont really care."
yah yah yah.
semi bitch fit....
*tired tired tired*
for I...
want to add to the under-currents of "THE" Tsunami.
Thursday, January 25, 2007
"guilt implies knowing: we do not regret a mistake until we understand it"
true true.
words gets distorted the moment it's being read.
actions gets distorted more when its being shown.
everything gets distorted.
the heart and the mind gets confused.
they argue and fight.
they get tired together.
and then.
everything else gets even more confusing.
easy but never easy.
lyrics lyrics
unhealthy lyrics.
unhealthy lyricist.
unhealthy music.
*微笑*
被淘空的心
会选择自己以后想走的路。
Wednesday, January 24, 2007
I KNOW YOU ARE HAVING A BLOODY BAD TIME NOW.
IT IS NOT THE BEST TIME TO SAY SUCH STUFF.
IM BEING CRUEL AGAIN
SO IF UR HEART CANNOT TAKE IT
DEN DONT READ WATS BELOW.
JUZ FUCK OFF AND PRESS THE [X] AT THE TOP RIGHT HAND CORNER.
GET THAT?
YOUR HEART IS IN NO MOOD TO ENDURE THIS
DONT READ LE DEN BLAME ME FOR BEING CRUEL AGAIN
YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.
when i cannot be strong anymore
teach me how to be strong
for someone who doesnt need me to be strong for
你已经不需要我在你身边了。
我再也不会再怪自己了。
我也不想再骗自己了。
不要再对我撒谎了。
我，
没有对你撒谎。
你永远都不会知道你的话有多么伤人。
我会用背叛自己,
完成你的期盼。
thinking back.
that sentence
"im ur who"
sounded bloody insulting.
den
im ur who?
im juz nobody.
Tuesday, January 23, 2007
so many words wanting out
but i'll never say
cuz no one asks
*agreed with self*
PMS-season
too much cold.
too little warmth.
one never asks
one never says
dont bother to ask?
or
dont bother to say?
Beauty queen of only eighteen
She had some trouble with herself
He was always there to help her
She always belonged to someone else
I drove for miles and miles
And wound up at your door
I've had you so many times but somehow
I want more
I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile
And she will be loved
And she will be loved
Tap on my window, knock on my door
I want to make you feel beautiful
I know I tend to get so insecure
It doesn't matter anymore
It's not always rainbows and butterflies
It's compromise that moves us along
My heart is full and my door's always open
You can come anytime you want
I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain, oh
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile
And she will be loved
And she will be loved
And she will be loved
And she will be loved
I know where you hide
Alone in your car
Know all of the things that make you who you are
I know that goodbye means nothing at all
Comes back and begs me to catch her every time she falls
Tap on my window, knock on my door
I want to make you feel beautiful
I don't mind spending every day
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile
And she will be loved
And she will be loved
And she will be loved
And she will be loved
Please don't try so hard to say goodbye
Please don't try so hard to say goodbye
I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Please don't try to hard to say goodbye
mrbrown
that is pretty true.
im freakin bored.
stuck with UIR website evalutions... done 1n half... 2 n half to go.
broke off with SADS
for ppl who are sick.
like yan n jit.
GET WELL SOON.
yahs, esp yan:
GET WELL SOON
GET WELL SOON
GET WELL SOON
GET WELL SOON
GET WELL SOON XD
actually
so it really was in jit's bag and i forgot to take from him.
how durh, yes i noe.
den... ended up watch matt n his grp do the swen SRS thingy.... pei jit matt shitian leenx go eat. den go find yan n joel. den rot n wait for them... and took bus to yan hse to pei her home cuz her eyes really cannot make it... den me n leenx pei matt take bus to tampiness interchange... den change to bus 72... to hougang... den take mrt from hougang back home.
How exciting.
was like a zombie totally... kinda dunno wat was i doing all the way... abit semi-high, juz surviving purely on air...
came home a freaking 3+hours later than planned... ate abit and went for a nap frm 8pm to 10pm... and had to drag myself up to do UIR... no hope to study for scio liaoz.
yes,
if its that obvious,
im bloody tired and im crapping.
p.s.
MAYDAY is performing in amercia....
WOOOOHOOOO.
Feb 13
[Aladdin Theatre for the Performing Arts]
Las Vegas <-- THATS RIGHT.
The Aladdin Resort & Casino
(soon to be Planet Hollywood Resort & Casino)
sounds pretty cool hor?
Sunday, January 21, 2007
Shopping @ town.
20Jan07
Sabrina. jit. joel. leon. huii. yan. jason. shitian. leenx. matt.
Met ivan n berlinda oso =p
Taka.
Crystal Jade la mian xiao long bao.
Wisma.
Isetan.
Far East.
Long John.
Chippy.
Rachel n Princess (yes, the dog call princess)
elmo bathing:
让我
我深呼吸。
无奈的窒息。
缺了的一块。
让人疯狂的勇敢。
无理的疯狂。
走在风中今天阳光
突然好温柔。
然后发现孤单的今后，
如果冷，
该怎么度过。
*****
我坐在电脑前。
惊讶着，
原来感受另一个人的心情
有那么的简单。
我又对自己笑了。
怀疑，
一直感受到的是什么？
是我吗？
还是你？
笑我傻吧~
但是我相信这有可能会发生。
又被我搞乱了吗？
朋友。
有一点想念你的声音~
I had refused to be the one.
I knew there had to be someone.
someone who needed to be cruel.
and to point out the blunt truth.
everyone's too nice to you.
not that you dont deserve it.
Only I feel that you dont deserve to be nice to.
if.
if.
if.
nothing.
yah.
my inner self has been telling myself.
I am nobody.
so.
It's the perfect role to be cruel.
I have been and had always been.
Even if anything's at stake.
It's mine which is at stake.
everyone can safeguard their stuff.
I resisted.
I tried to see how human i could be.
How long could I lie to myself.
Maybe then I juz could not.
cannot cannot cannot.
The whole bloody world is stuffering.
Everyone is suffering.
I believe the pain would be eased.
Someday somehow by someone.
There are people willingly... or unwillingly bearing the pain with you too.
Yes there are.
Even if you dont allow it.
I had thought that the pain had been eased.
but alas.
It has not.
It has been all but an illusion.
If nobody else wants to bear it,
then I shall.
not because I am mightly or wat.
not because I think Im a nobody.
juz that everyone seems to have more to lose than me.
Juz someone dear to my heart.
I've lost before.
What's the another one a big deal?
yes its a bloody big deal
Nope.
I'll still survive as like I always do right?
I always do.
I cant even believe im here explaining what.
I think I hope to get some pity or watever.
I see you laughing coldly to urself.
Im a fool, had been and always will be.
My heart feels even more heavy with every line.
Giving up?
agreed.
its NEVER easy.
in the first place, nothing was ever easy.
You can choose to cont to run away.
I dont know why i care so bloody much
but i juz do.
*PMS-ing*
this is for sab =)
堕落: [ duò luò ]
1. (v) morally degenerate; become depraved
例句与用法:
| 5. | 我没料到他会堕落到对我进行人身攻击的地步。 |
| I didn't expect him to descend to personal abuse. |
source: dict.cn
‘就是开不了口让他（她）知道’。。。
漂泊的灵魂，空虚的肉体。
对吧？
放心。
不要不要脸。
我并不是在说你。
真的。
有时候人生真的好不公平。
不舍得。
不舍得。
不舍得。
不舍得。
不舍得。
真的。
不放心，他。
不放心，她。
不放心，他。
不放心，她。
不放心，他。
不放心，她。
不放心，他。
不放心，她。
不放心，他。
不放心，她。
对的。 每一个‘她’ 或者 ‘他’ 都是不一样的人啦。
好想，
嚎啕大哭。。。
不想再说服自己世界有多美好。
Saturday, January 20, 2007
Every time when it starts to ache a little,
i would try my very best,
digging in my memories...
hoping to find the one which i had hidden so deeply inside.
thankful,
i always found it--
even if it was only a piece of memory.
it is enough for me.
for now =)
Friday, January 19, 2007
I thought I lost a friend.
but
nope.
i didnt =p
*happy*
thank you for being in my life =)
Thursday, January 18, 2007
WTF?
Nishikado Soijirou and Yuki....
THEY WERENT TOGETHER IN THE END?!
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/1465108/1/
and i woke up shivering again.
it has been happening so often now.
i dream of the same stuff.
and it seems too real.
too real that i have to convince myself it isnt.
*scary*
makes me miss the christmas season.
=p
even thou was raining but we were all hugging like no one else's business.
The warmth from another human is the best heater in the world =p
so easy to imagine.
so hard to convince.
by Robbie Williams
Send someone to love me
I need to rest in arms
Keep me safe from harm
In pouring rain
Give me endless summer
Lord I fear the cold
Feel I'm getting old
Before my time
As my soul heals the shame
I will grow through this pain
Lord I'm doing all I can
To be a better man
Go easy on my conscience
'Cause it's not my fault
I know I've been taught
To take the blame
Rest assured my angels
Will catch my tears
Walk me out of here
I'm in pain
As my soul heals the shame
I will grow through this pain
Lord I'm doing all I can
To be a better man
Once you've found that lover
You're homeward bound
Love is all around
Love is all around
I know some have fallen
On stony ground
But Love is all around
Send someone to love me
I need to rest in arms
Keep me safe from harm
In pouring rain
Give me endless summer
Lord I fear the cold
Feel I'm getting old
Before my time
As my soul heals the shame
I will grow through this pain
Lord I'm doin' all I can
To be a better man
*addicted to the song*
Labels: ING
Wednesday, January 17, 2007
= Happy Birthday =
Offical website
the MUST WATCH
opens 25jan2007
i CONFIRM WILL GO WATCH.
maybe the first day open go watch.
or the 2nd open go watch...
since 26jan07 is friday
friday = c121 day =)
*ANTICIPATING*
we keep thinking of ways to strive to be better.
to be a better human.
dont we need to rest?
nah.
we dont.
we claim that we do.
but we dont.
we are afterall, humans.
we crap about losing our ownselves
but we actually are damm protective.
we stay the way we want ourselves to stay.
we remind and choose the paths ourselves.
hor hor hor~
had another scio lec today in the morning.
the world is pretty unfair.
yah yah yah.
singapore and all the countries out there.
why work for people and be at a disadvantage?
cuz we are all pretty lazy mah.
singaporeans.
we do complain alot
but no actual actions or real good solutions.
we complain alot about life.
the government.
the work.
the boss.
the collegues.
the life.
yah yah yah.
complain n bitch around so much.
im still currently dating the CMSK report.
tml i shall start dating the SADS research n report
next mon i'll start dating POM, the marketing report
after POM i'll start dating SWEN
weeee~
Tuesday, January 16, 2007
A friend of mine advised me to take a more subtle approach towards people and not to anyhow shock ppl with whatever I wanted to say juz like that. At first I tot it was bloody untrue cuz I wld then be behaving the way which I wasn’t totally is. ask any friend around me and most of them will tell u about the same thing about me.
so predictable huh?
i hated being predictable-- in the wrong way.
people start to assume what they felt was correct. when to me obviously it was certainly NOT, totally BLOODILY NOT AT ALL but afterall i couldnt control wat others felt of me. so it was left as that... any other explanations seems fultile after a few tries cuz they wld juz deem it as me trying to deny or simply unwillingly to accept the bloody fact that im stubborn and lousy.
actually
it's been quite a time since i felt i feel quite wrong and idiotic.
i thought it was alright being comfortable with my true self, angry when angry that someone doesnt wanna take care of themself , pissed when so very pissed off by jerks and scheeming people around trying to hurt the people around me, uncontained-ly happy when feeling very very happy and blessed around the people I love and achingly heart wrenching when suddenly waiting becomes too hard to bear.
i thought it was all right.
how naive i was right?
maybe im juz darn lousy at handling humans.
yah.
totally failure.
and yes,
being the coward i am,
i end this bloody post here.
p.s.
dont get me wrong cuz it feels pretty nice to be predicatable in the right way, where people take one look and know u need some comforting and hugs.
stuff which are hard to come by are especially precious =)
Monday, January 15, 2007
i dont say anything doesnt mean NOTHING is going on in my life.
save me from all unwanted screaming in the morning please.
life keeps spinning
and
im getting giddy.
got the very urge to go K-ing...
or mayday's concert.
or the esplanade rooftop.
a getaway to scream n let loose.
too bad i've been dating the projects too much to enjoy any free time of my own.
i've even broke off with sleep,
to date SCIO, CMSK, SWEN, POM....
blehs.
they take up too much of my time.
i know...
i shouldn't be so fickle-minded, dating so many at one time.
one at a time
right?
does the above shows that Im going crazy?
*praying*
for a friend who found what the heart yearns most.
hope its really what my friend wanted.
its a pity how many heartbreaks one has to go tru before meeting the right one.
even more pity when so many gets tired of trying.
even more pity for those who gets hurt at the first fews
poor us.
lose courage even before we step out.
i remember the lyrics from sun wukong:
我从不怕爱错就怕没爱过
我不会怪你 对我的伪装
天使在人间 是该藏好翅膀
人们愚蠢鲁莽
而你纤细善良
怎能让你为了我被碰伤
小小的手掌 厚厚的温暖
你总能平复 我不安的夜晚
不敢想的梦想
透过你的眼光
我才看见它原来在前方
没有谁能把你抢离我身旁
你是我的专属天使
唯我能独占
没有谁能取代你在我心上
拥有一个专属天使
我哪里还需要别的愿望
小小的手掌 大大的力量
我一定也会像你一样飞翔
你想去的地方
就是我的方向
有我保护笑容尽管灿烂
要不是你出现
我一定还在沉睡
绝望的以为生命只有黑夜
nope.
im not watching hua yang =p
Sunday, January 14, 2007
it u haven noticed, im REALLY DAMM BORED... to be blogging for the third time... decided to blog bout yest... the crash over at my house.... but oso like nothing to blog bout. yahs... pls read the archives bout wat i blogged yest...
all the crazy wanking done for pooh, tigger and pigglet... all the orgasm and all... lols...
crazy pix.... for the past week:
our feet...
kinda cute, the two guys wearing my slippers... lols.
this is juz the prelude lor...
and it becomes something like this:
and leenx tries to make sure matt... err... is still abit straight
resulting in....
orgasmic looking matt:
the culprit... the choya
the violated pigglet...
opps...
like what i've said right?!
fri in my blog right!
MASS ORGY.....
err...
they did this of their own accord kaes. i didnt force them.
LOOK CAREFULLY....
i have some... err... even more crazy pix... but they really dont look quite men inside... so i've decided to be nice and consult them for their permission before placing them on my blog... =p
i tink im getting used to the men around me touching each other in front of me le... yahs... the guys touching the guys... i dunno why but they really do seem to like it alot... i dunno why thou... take last tues apel for example:
the members of the onion kingdom dines together
the onion king shows us he can be very fu mei oso~
the onion nanny darren takes his chances on the onion king ivan
the king decides to take revenge
onion king ivan then turns to his son, the onion prince joel baobei
tian ge ge sometimes gets abit high wearing my jacket:
stuffing for his nehneh
tada! small nehnehs for tian ge ge
pix from 1jan drinking @ chimjes
min's new haircut!
i tink i shld go to slp le... lastly....
found this interesting MV...
even more interesting lyrics sumore:
http://www.onlylyrics.com/song.php?id=1002987
i tink i should really go to sleep... its 2.40am....
BUT I CANT BLOODY SLEEP.... arghs~
Labels: photos