hey. im back. anyone saw my msn nick today? i wrote. [If Teddy dun SHUT UP, either get aWei to kick him or i'l fly to taiwan now n kill him with my bare hands...] get wad it means? even if sanlih dun let me leave a mgs on wanyu's forum board... i'l get some way to get my opinions tru. really. he is really a damm ass. who he think he is? sometimes wanyu's production crew always take "jie mu xiao guo" and anyhow bully shanwei. i know sometimes really is u hav to do the effect... but. sometimes ITS SOOOOO VERY DAMMIT OBVIOUS ITS JUZ AN EXCUSE. they really get overboard. esp after teddy aka ah hao gotten famous. anyone who wants to know who this dammit guy is, if u rem watchin zong yi zui ai xian rite. the show by jacky wu zong xian, the one with ru hua, n always askin ru hua to go out and trick those famous pple. the one who always does the massaging for ru hua, there's this FAT guy. yikes. cute yes. but with his speech n attudtide it becomes digusting and.... irrating. dammit irritating. really. those who dun rem juz go watch wan yu. if u go taiwan see him on the streets or catch him havin holidays in s'pore. KICK HIM. IF U DUN WANT. ASK ME GO. I WILL KICK HIM MYSELF. KICK HIS ASS.
besides this. today i went kbox with y class pple. elieen n her ahboy. darren with yinru. elyn. joel. shitian. shawn. yiyan. ivan came oni until we almost sang finish. celebrate joel n elyn's bdae. happy bdae orh! if u see this de hua. our class really priceless man... everytime im with them i juz feel that way. at least compared to yi qian de bei can jin yan. u get wad i mean ar... esp those i know. even though i always am the loner. sometimes not i want to keep quiet or i purposly look fierce. juz that sometimes the topic i really dunnoe wad to say... so i juz keep quiet loh. like fang kong oreadi has becum a habit of mine. oh yar... i saw Ivy at centrepoint esprit! hey.... anybody interested to know her? she's a mei nu or.... really very beautiful orh. and i booked the pit for BBQ next mon oreadi. even though... til the end mayb nobody wans to go. mayb juz i high mayb... mayb lotsa things. anybody reading this, considered urself invited. east coast pit22 orh. juz let me know juz im buyin the food. juz need to know about hw much to buy. k ar? thanks.

hiya. juz peeped at someBODY's blog. SHE said. feel very guitly of wad she sad to other pple of life cuz she cant seem to implement it in her life. thats rite. do not preach wad u cant achieve. dun say until so nice when u cant even do it urself. sometings may b very hard to achieve, to you... but it may not be to others. to you wad others achieved may not be perfect or the way you want it. but wad the prob is that she is oreadi satisfied with her life now? satifcation in life. to people like you it seems that ppl like me who are easily contented are very stupid right? seems tat we are SO useless and we cant achieve nothing n we hav no meaning in life right? without living my life in me... pls watch ur words. the truth is harsh. but even harsher when said by a friend who did not spare any thoughs for ur feelings.
pple who dun noe what the hell im tokin bout. yes... im still nursing my anger from long ago. from a long ago feud. too bad. im very selfish n is ALWAYS nursing my poor anger. somethings... when said by such a friend... the hurt is more, very much times more than the normal juz... by the very fact that your my friend. when pple whom i dun know well misunderstood. i may be angry. but... not with the amount of disppointment you added by ur words.
in the past... i always tot if i used 1500% percent of my energy and body to live... others will do the same to me oso... if i treated us 2000% as my friend. i at least expected 100% back... but i gave up... gving up? seems so easy yet hard to implement rite? the amount of dissapointment neede to generate the giving up... is how much? how much do you need to give up? those... who always like me like to say give up so easily... how many of the time did you really do so? HOW MANY TIMES? not many right? or.... not even once right? i, for one. i... always.... bu gan yuan. how can i juz give up like this? after i used so much energy and feelings on you... cuz i never gave up believin in you. what right do you have to give up in urself. esp.... alot of pple around me... suddenly rem me of THE FIGHT. between JK. i said le mah... conclude: friends...

haiz.... im really very tired.... not juz physically. mentally oso... juz screamed at my sister juz now/ for wat i forgot. but its the first time i felt like... screamed until lack of breath... and my face becum red. and i felt like dying... i tot i was going to die... good right? its so much better to leave the world so early. if you plan to leavve... juz give me a notice. but i might not have time to give you notice... so sorry... yes. im going to fall sick. aWei really ba zi with mine bu he. everytime he comes i will kenna fever... wat the.... so concidence? already 3times oreadi u know? 3 times leh.... so is what? i dint get myself sick purposly u know. as if i want it... but fever i've been expectin it for few days oreadi. better sick now than on 9oct... everytime... the same.... fever crashes with everything. sadded...

yes. i saw aWei. aka shan wei aka happy ge ge aka awei aka ke dou aka cao mei xian zi.
he... so real... esp when he was saying he loved ya kun's bread. his expression when he guessed correctly the gal's name. and fan club. of cuz. our awei... cuz as cute as ever. he was like... waving the whole time he was on the bus and all. hehehe.... wich he has a good time here tis time. for those who never knew. the first person i went to the airport to fetch was him. i was juz... another loner in the crowds. i dint really mind. why did i do it? cuz... i promised. yea. made a promise to the TV when he said he wanted us to promise to go airport and fetch him. =) esp when he saw sooooo many pple... his reaction? priceless... he ran back behide and hide, not daring to believe it was true. but it was though. tat was the second time im fetchin him. no, i did not buy bread, or breakfast, or doreamon, or gifts, or cards for him. i juz stood there sliently to watch him walk by. yar... sliently and calmly. no screaming or whatever so. even i fetch mayday i dunt scream oso. dun ask me why lar. its juz like this. this time was the 2nd time. the only difference was that mayday dint follow behide him. believe it or not... mayb me and mayday was fated afterall... hehehe... cuz. when i went to fetch awei tat time. i caught a cold and kenna fever. when everyone raced out after him. i was the only aWei fan who stayed back... poor thing ar mayday... like got war before they came out. somemore nobody scream or vigoursly taking photos. hahaha.... but... now i understand. that they know de. ok... really chou pi. bt its the truth mah. they really knew. i was very touched that day, when i saw a gal asking guai shou whether he saw her letter oreadi. he said: dun worry its in my lauggue. after im back in taiwan i'll read. BELIEVE ME." u tink he's jokin rite? juz lying mah.... tat day i saw on forum one mgs he left. another gal [nt the same one] ask him she sent her letter to him ask him whether he gt recieve or nt... he replied... :" wish u n ur bf yong yuan xin fu"... he really does read ar. i wonder aWei does or nt? hehehe... his flight is on morning 8am on mon! woa... killer ar... 3hrs be4 check in... 5AM?!?! wat the... forget it... hahaha... sentosa photos i've posten on multiply oreadi. see ar...

hey... haiz... first things first.
yesterday was the sentosa. mmm... meet bout 10am. of cuz... dragged and dragged til bout 11++ den went off to sentosa. cant figure out y my whole class can be sooooo excited at meetin my friends. like sherry n sufen who... you know... dint make it. oni yali made it. [Thanks sooooo much yali! pei me.... i know my class look very very scary... hehehehe...] thanks ar. who went ar... err.... our 2 leads ivan n joel... hahahaha.... elieen n her ah boy. elyn. wangmin. shone. darren n his GF ying ru. shitian. iceman. yali... did i miss out anyone? no bah. had... k lar... sea. wind. sunshine. sand. play dint really appeal to me. juz made me seem anti-social. when i get high. i really get very HIGH. which turns ppl off. so... better not get high. rather than act fakely high... so unseem me. watever. but... hey my class ur great! i... reallt fortunate to have a nice class... i know when i see it. as compared to fakey ppl. at least they're real. thanks ar. and me n yali went to find Xtina.... the lifeguard hun. hehehe... real fun man! u get the mood really when u spend everyday at the beach. yar... life gets bored at a certain point of time. but all things cant go the way u want it mah. if not y its called LIFE rite? agree? the excitement will den come it here. sumore.... it RAINED AGAIN! dangerous man! dun bring MD's music along next time. everytime i go oso rain! so.... u know... werid. is it me or the music? and... the most qiao thing rite? was that we saw mohan again! sumore was when we was shouting our goodbyes to xtina on the tram. turn den sudden realize was mohan driving! hahaha... i tink ppl like darren they al was abit shocked cuz mohan waved at us.... hahaha.... like.... so a concidence tat the 2 pple we know we met them together. den after that... usual loh. went to the singapore shopping centre w them n watch them play pool. POOL. u noe. the usual thingy which i juz watch n dun play. anybody wanna teach me? actually nt very... u now. entu bout it. socialize lar...
second thing. i made up my mind. later goin FETCH AWEI AT THE AIRPOR!~ dun discourage me.... it's the only chance i get to see him.... this time round.... next time i'l explain. Awei. pls lar. for those... who read n think "juz ANOTHER FAN".
yar mayb to u. but u'l never never NEVER. understand... the meaning of him to me. sounds harsh? or... yes i know.... sound like the normal exclamation mark of yurong. watever. cya. update 2m! arh.... no.... is later. =)

hey... im now at the library. the new one at bugis. haiz.... feel more and more upset after readin stuff bout the gao xiong thingy... sadded... people change so fast... so fast that you cant even react. haiz... tomolo is the sentosa trip. expect no many people going... elieen say she's bring her ah boy. darren bring her stead... den still got... who go ar... shuhui and sophine not going. ivan, elyn, wangmin, alfred. yaya and maressa they nt going... others totally never reply. sadded! haiz. going ask my dad tonite zai me go seng siong there to buy some stuff for tomolo... haiz. BBQ on 8oct k? yali's nt going. siewkiang's voice is like... seems she does not wanna go oso. sufen n sherry say can. but im juz afraid til the end they're working again. Maybelline... haiz... surely say she cannot go. good lar. another thingy which oni me HIGH oni. nobody... aiya! sadded. that day when i was tokin on the phone with tese... she was saying that we both have something very similar... which we liked to talk about: LIFE. no lar... im not goin to add ROCKS behide like him. LIFE does ROCKS at certain points. but not now. when no one is by ur side how to.... i wonder sophfine when goin to come back... she now at USA mah... visitn her boyfriend. really wish they get married soon... happy that she found happiness...
forgot to add. sat nite i was on the phone with SK. i was juz lamenting that... i tot playing insrtuments... like band or whatever... guitar or drums... its supposed to be like... you know. someway like venting ur anger, frustrations and all. juz different people have diff ways, tru diff styles. but for me like when watching junting play the drums... haiz... got a very sadded feeling... like he's becoming more and more depressed juz by playing drums. so very depressed. so very... sad.... izit? anyone?

Do you know? That I was born to love you… forever and ever…. It seems to be the only purpose I lived for. To breathe in you… and to be overwhelmed by all the sights and smells of you. Call me na?ve or what… but I still believe… someday you’ll appear.
Juz someday… I will always be here waiting… but… be fast k? im afraid I cant hold on much longer… in the face of youth… the future seems so small and unimportant. The pain and unhappiness im all not afraid of… juz afraid that…
Don’t ask me whether am I in pain. Or why am I in tears… y am I living in a world with no light from the future… or why sometimes I can juz face the next moment with a smile and act as if it did not matter…I could… and stil can… cuz becuz a very simple reason… to believe, to have faith. Some says faith is given by others, tru others’ actions. Where did I get a strong will for faith… im afraid too… when deep in the night. Im afraid he might juz miss me… afraid that… would I juz be another passing shadow for him? Life holds indefinite possibilities right? Anything would happen. My life… is full of waiting and waiting. Juz waiting for the next thing to happen. You, the one who’s reading… maybe it was already to be planned that you and I would meet in this life. Pre-planning sounds cool right? Very little things can surprise me now… izzit becuz I don’t allow them to surprise? After the second thought… everything seems to be linked…
The problem of reading romance is that you become very depressed and full of hope of a silly notion after that.
The normal stuff is that…I bought my zhi zu Just my pride, zui zhen jie zuo xuan, today. Listen to [zhi ming yu chun jiao AKA peter and mary]. The 3rd track. 6 years? I dint participate for the front 5yrs. Mayday? Something which brings you to go backwards instead of striding big steps into the future. The songs you listen goes 1yr, 2yrs, 5yrs back. And the older the songs, the longer the feel to listen to them. On the other hand the new songs u can get over very easily. I dunnoe… I prefer the past to the future.

hey... today bascially juz slack around at hm. rearranged some of my stuff. juz now when watchin MTV channel saw the "ya guan" MV... at last. been waitin for this the past few days... haiz... is it me or that he seems particularly bei qing and sad in this song? i dunnoe... it sounds like that. the same feeling when i got when i the 1st time i was watchin bai se hua yang MV. esp when renfu sang to: "ji jie, yin wei, you ni de chu xian, er zuan bian... [shld b this line]" his expresion was so... i dunnoe hw to describe it.... it seems that he was not the usual renfu u saw on tv... maybe acting really helped him alot. cuz it made me tot he really change, frm the bottom of hhis heart to really to have that expression. like LOVE change him for the better. like his lryics. zhi zu.... satisfied with wat ur havin now... cherish everything around u cuz til the end u'll regret if u dint. n... one more... in the face of youth, the future seems so small and tiny and unimportant.

Yesterday was my last day for the IDA conference thingy. Erm… let me explain frm the start. IDA is international desalination association and they r having this international conference first time in s’pore, at raffles city convention center. Last fri and sat was packing, of the bags n stuff. Sat I was there helping out. Den was working with this two ladies frm IDA, Darlene and Candice. They’re frm Boston. Ok… whatever… the story is too long. Yesterday was my last day mah… err…. I know that if some of ur know this… might say that im very stupid… since there’s money pushed to you y not take. I refused it straight away… dint take… being helpful… isn’t it juz part of nature? I know that some pple, after I’ve done this job and gotten in touch with people working temp but are older so much like in ther 20’s and 30’s. Singaporeans arh! Haiz… always unhappy with they’ve got, wanna migrate, don’t want to do work, grumble a lot. Haiz…. Never content with anything? Yar… that’s it ba. Maybe it’s juz that people feel that different things r important to them. Like… you know…. Jobs n all. I til now still cannot grasp what the hell r they so very very unhappy with everything. It’s only a job yar… but does not mean I treat it juz like a normal job. If people are nice to you, I’ll be nice back to them rite? At least when you do ur job, they say thank you back to you for the littlest thing. At least you got the “feel” for the job, willing do it. Not like what they say im overly entu or what. Or that im juz… you know… pai ma bi of the ang mo. Race or religion does not matter much. More or whether if you’re a nice person. If they treat you with respect y not treat them back the same way? Is it soooo difficult mah? How can you juz expect to get good treatment when your own mentality is like this… almamak… haiz….
And the other thing. This guy who’s 29, Alex. Woa. I was talking to him. He’s that type like act like lao jiao de. Wat the cow. I rem 1 sentence he said to me: “ don’t have boyfriend yet? Hai mei you chang dao nan ren de wei dao? Haha.” Wat the?!? Err…. I must admit that after working this job. I realize I have a very very difficult prob of socializing with people. Yali seems to be able to do with ease… but me? Haiz… communication and topic to talk about seems so difficult to have in common. I seem like an alien from outer space or what. Totally have nothing to talk about with other people. Someore… I realized that they’re forcing me to see that the fact I don’t want to face. Of there are still so much more different type of people around. Haiz.
Now im juz lazing arounda t hm doing nothing… cuz juz lazy. And tired. Nobody wants to go sing k. maybelline seems so buzy everyhtime. Yar I know she’s having her exams. Like I don’t have a best friend rite? That time when I suddenly was talking to yali about when I married I want her to wear nicely and be my bridesmaid. She said bridesmaid was different frm sisters. Bridesmaid is usually my best friend or sister. Yuerong? Pls lar…. Best friend? Haiz… anybody wanna be my bridesmaid? I think maybelline wunt want rite? Friend? That day I heard tese say that I had so many friends. I? Yes. Friends? Why does that word suddenly sounds so pitful to me? Like a spare tyre you suddenly rem when you have problems in ur current life that you cant solve. Haiz. Actually it’s not rite?

From different edges of different places, different voices would be heard. Maybe form a faraway place he was saying what u might not have heard. But… im sure that there would be someone who has the same feelings like u are. The other half of you that you’re still missing. I read masa said that… he now understands that y Beatles til the end chose not to hold any more concerts except the last at the roof top…
I don’t know what happened that day over there. How messy, how many people disappointed, how many angry people. But do they ever know, so many people far away from them, who love the same like they do, might be suffering the consequences of what they are doing? It is society’s fault? Of the surroundings and all? Of what people beside you or people on TV what they do and you must follow? Come on… all those who listen to music… the same kind we over at the other side of the earth are loving too… how can you all every give up when we are still believing you all?
I never felt that im those type who needed them to know what im doing and to recognize what we are doing. We are juz helping what we love, to hope and give hope, juz like what MD’s doing. To speak the true im extremely disappointed by certain humans and what they do sometimes… immature? Maybe… or more is that your actions does not go in line with what you preach.

对於
不理智 的 “如果你不说我怎么会知道”
和
不理智 的 “我永远会, 一定会, 不问原因的, 默默承受”

我一个都不会选.

热情和理智不能做结合吗?

你们?
也许吧…
我们?
也许吧…
我
也许…. 吧.

People who read my blog. Or people whu don’t. whatever the side. You may think it’s silly. If yes dun let me know. But do think of anything you cared or is still caring for… there are times… when it comes to an important thing. Nothing becomes simple. Is it juz the complications of growing up, or another part of ur life which you don’t wish to face?
Tell me.
You never bothered to tell right? Maybe you juz are lazy to tell me. But have u thought that I really need to know?

md is really priceless man... hahaha... juz saw tat guai shou left more than 16 over posts on imayday... juz becuz he say long time never leave mgs there le.... hahaha.... overly-high arh. juz like masa. he hor! scold the gal who said princess sasa was abit more fat than usual. wat the... hahaha... sumore the gal's original mgs said he was cute leh! juz ask him to slim down oni mah. and guai shou. know wat he said when som say he looked different almost everytime on tv? he arh... saw that becuz there's 2 guai shou rock records using mah. one is the one who's always have not enug sleep, which is him. the other is the one who's always has a full belly of food and enuf sleep, which he dunnoe. duh! wat the... hahaha... really lame-o rite? priceless.... maybe's becuz of the attack by shi jie after kang xi... hahaha... somebody wants to take over soon!
yar... and tis few days workin at the IDA thingy. it's so damm tiring... legs are killing me man! wat the... women has a very BIG price to pay for being women arh. imagine the heels and the giving birth is enuf. MEN. dot dot.... tirng. but shld b free soon enuf to go out n play. sentosa's next week... dunnoe whu's going. like some pple whu want to pang seh me again. aiyo... seems like only few goin. sumore they're all bring their GF, BF... wat the... haiz... watever. cya...

im back... and almost dying cuz i stood on hig heels today frm 12 non-stop to 7.... my feet are killing me man!~ working life... hahaha... i guess tat the younger u r, the more good natured u'll b. at least more things u can stomach and kan kai. people who like... pass the age of 21 cannot think clearly izzit? y is tat... can take things easier and... juz live happier for once? mmm....

Today worked at the IDA conference thingy. The boss call me 2m oso go back n work. Haiz… money…. Bo bian. Since at hm oso. It does not make much diff rite?

Today, I juz realized… I never did see far into the future. Coz… mayb I never felt the need to, cuz since im going to die someday, mayb very soon. Or is it juz I take things too hard? People. Humans are really something very deep huh? Never can guess what they’re thinking bout.

After work meet yali n eat long john. Den pei her go PS this fashion buy her working clothes 2m. met sufen oso there. She when c JJ. Hahahaha… so now is JJ 1st den cai tao kway den masa lar? Hahaha… den zhen yuan chang leh? Hahaha…

my msn nick I changed to… [u may say im a dreamer but im the the only one].
This… I heard a long time ago. Heard it again yesterday when masa sang on kang xi. Actually he can sing QUITe well de mah. Haiz. Beatles. They’re very special rite? Mayb… their music, is abit similar like MD’s. cuz, does not sound like the usual ROCK type. Heavy metal actually till now I still dun quite like it. Sounds…. Yikes… I know renfu like. But still… u call that soft rock? Whatever… juz… sounds something more close to earth and not so far away. Surreal? Maybe…

Labels: 五月天

got lotsa of things to type. got lotsa of things to say. our forum is so buzy these days... 2m im working. for the swiss hotel thingy. im worried. u know... juz thinkin back last time i was workin 1st day at red earth... terrifying.... but this time... can de lar!

im itching to buy MD's album ar... hw... visma stock still haven come... sumore... now sg Final home's news keep coming out. like... my emotions are all too tightly strung. haiz... juz worried.
sumore... JUZ NOW SHI JIE WAS on kang xi lai le.

OMG.
addicted on SCV nowdays.... esp... the few lar. shi jie... is so damm priceless arh. =) u know sumthing? there's so much people around u that care bout u. u juz dun notice. MD's very VERY lucky actually. to have people supporting them around them. from shi tou's wife, gou gou, to people in the ji shi tuan [gao ge diao de sumore =) ] from zhang lao shi to shi jie n huang niu. people whu believe in them more then themselves.
jia you orh... we'll hold on longer. =)

juz like shi jie's nick on MSN tat time:
五月天, 不管怎样我都会支持你们的, 不要放弃.

Labels: 五月天

thanks to maybelline for helping do this... erm... blog... when i've got time i'll do everything up nicely. k?

for today.... juz plain depressed... cuz... u know, the monthly problem and all. sumore... depression juz strikes at the correct time. what to do?

“嘿…

我给你自由…
我给你自由….
我给你….

全部…

全部…

全部的自由…”


I stopped crying suddenly… and looked at the computer screen. Why did it… sound so much like he was here, just beside me telling it to me himself. To give me… all the freedom I wanted.

And…

To leave…

To fly away…

To be where my heart wanted to be.



Yes. I am still here… the song on the computer is repeating itself again… was I imagining things?

不打扰… 是我的温柔….

It’s what he’s singing now….

How beautiful it would be… to be real when it’s not. For someone to there for you… when it should not have to be…

He’s singing it again.

I stopped crying now.

The instruments come in again.




Maybe…. This is his type of wen rou… maybe… does he ever… know….
So near yet so far.

Labels: 五月天, 他

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